I agree that she was definitely communicating something and I think it’s great that you’re reflecting on the question you asked. I wonder if it might have been easier for her if you had picked one small part of the routine to focus on (if asking her to do that was too overwhelming). For instance, if she had reported that getting her child into his bed was a struggle because he kept climbing out, maybe just focus on that piece. Or, start with what went well and ask her why she thought it went well. Then you could see if there is a strategy you could borrow from that successful part and apply to the struggle. Another great question that someone else suggested in a comment is similar to what you asked: “If you could change one thing about bedtime, what would it be?” Another idea might be to gently bring up bedtime on your next visit and see if she’s had time to think about it and wants to tackle it now.

I’d love to know how this goes if you get a chance to revisit the bedtime routine with this family!

I love the idea of keeping a little cheat sheet of questions that might help you! Thanks for sharing your idea, Delly!

It sounds like your discussion offered a moment of insight for the parent. Whenever EI can improve overall family functioning – that’s when we know we’re really doing it right!

Wow, Naomi, it sounds like the way you framed your questions really opened up the discussion. The parents “ah-ha” moments about looking at strengths and coming up with their own ideas is profound. That kind of thinking is what parents can carry with them long after the child leaves EI. Thanks for sharing your great strategy!

Great strategies, Yvonnie! This is a great way to diffuse the anxiety and immediacy that we and the parent both feel when discussing “how do I” questions, especially those that are emotionally laden, like “how do I get him to eat??” What you’ve done is help the parent step back a bit and give you both time to think and problem-solve.

Glad to hear it, Chandra! Please let me know how it goes when you use them! I’d love to hear your impressions of whether or not the questions help you gather more or different info from what you’ve heard before.

You’re very welcome! The “digging deeper” part can be a challenge so I’m glad these questions are helpful.