Thanks for your insights, Allison. The question you raise is a very real one. When I was faced with it, I did exactly what you did – emphasized the positive and what the parent could do moving forward. Sometimes it was unavoidable to talk about a possible source, such as a parent’s drug use or abuse, especially when the parent brought it up. I think it’s a balance between being honest, professional, and subjective yet still supportive. In most cases, we really don’t know for sure what caused a problem. We can, however, emphasize good choices that the parent is making now and will hopefully continue to make in the future.

I agree completely with these responses. It is so important to validate feelings and to acknowledge the stage of grief the family may be facing. When a family is asking this question, I feel as humans we want to automatically respond “no!” We don’t want parent to feel this added guilt, or stress. Most of the time, we know that it is not anything that the parent did “wrong” that caused a delay. What do others do when a parent may be to blame? I know it’s a horrible thought, but we all have those families on our case loads. Mothers who were using during pregnancy or child abuse cases. How do you address these? When one parent has custody because the other parent caused significant damage due to SBS and the parent is asking you is the other parent is really to blame for the delay.
It is a heart breaking conversation. I try to focus on what the family is doing now to support the development and how hard they are working to be positive role models for the child. Does anyone else come across these situations and how do you respond?

Thanks Leah! I really agree with your last statement. Most of the time time DON’T know what caused the delay or disability and whenever we can help families move through their grief or anxiety with honest answers that don’t go beyond what we do know, that’s a good thing. I truly believe that families know when we are dancing around the subject so being honest about what we do and don’t know can at least preserve the rapport we build. You’ve shared some well-stated advice – thank you!

Thanks Jeff! I love the idea of “cooling” the parent’s brain down. When I’ve been in the parent role, I know how stressful it is to worry that something could be your fault. For example, my son is 11 and broke his arm when he was 3…and to this day I still feel guilty that I could have done something differently to prevent it (he fell off of his bed). In that intense time, my brain felt very stressed and I could have used someone to help me move forward and really “let go” of that worry. Maybe I still could…haha. 🙂

Very well-said, Lauren. I think, with most families, supporting the emotional side of their adjustment to their child’s delay or disability is a critical piece of early intervention. We are often with them as they begin their journey. Family-centered practices required that we consider the big picture of the family’s experience, and their emotional experience IS part of it. I do think that skilled early interventionists are usually able to manage both the emotional support and intervention activities quite well. Thanks for adding your perspective to this topic!

Thanks for sharing your insights, Michelle. I think your point about grieving and the movie reel is very true. I really like your example of how you help families focus on the present. You’ve provided a wonderful example for others to follow. 🙂