On Reagan’s first visit with Cole’s family, she feels like she is “under the microscope.” Cole’s grandmother, Celia, seems wary of Reagan, and of early intervention. Cole’s physician recommended the referral due to delays with Cole’s communication, but his grandmother is not concerned. She has raised three children, all of whom, she says, “talked when they were ready and are fine now.” When Reagan asks Celia about which parts of the day go well for Cole and which parts are challenging, Celia laughs and asks “Do you even have kids?”

Reagan is 25 years old, recently completed her graduate program, and does not have children. Celia’s question makes her uncomfortable, but she answers honestly, saying that she doesn’t have children yet but has been lucky to work with many. She gets the sense that Celia is not satisfied with her answer, and thinks that she will have to try extra hard to build rapport here.

Have you been in Reagan’s shoes? Are you there now? How did getting asked this question feel to you?

If you’ve been asked this question before, then you know the awkwardness that comes with it. I remember being asked it many times, having worked in early intervention for 9 years before having my son. For some families, it was asked out of curiosity or just to make conversation. For others, it felt like a test of my competence. Finding the right way to answer was not always easy.

While I think this is a genuine question for some families who feel that people with children are the only ones who really “understand what it’s like” to parent, I think the real question is this:

Do you have to be a parent to be a good early interventionist?

I guess, from my own experience, I would reply with a hearty NO. I absolutely do think you can be an excellent early interventionist without being a parent. You can be a competent, skilled, and knowledgeable service provider without the experience of having raised an infant or toddler. In fact, you may be better able to remain objective when issues arise that are specific to parenting. You may be less biased than someone who has raised a child and had a different parenting style than the style of the parent in early intervention.

Interventionists who are not parents can bring the collective experiences of having worked with many parents and children to each visit. Since we know that the best way to support families is not by telling them what to do, you really don’t need to have done their job (parenting) first. Instead, you join them in their daily life and help them explore solutions to problems, plan for and practice how to embed intervention strategies into their experiences (not yours). Using these best practice strategies are universal, whether you’ve been a parent or not.

Reality Check

The reality is that raising any child is different from raising any other, and most of us who will be both parents and early interventionists will not be raising a child with delays or a disability. While having been a parent does give you the advantage of knowing what it’s like to care for a child 24/7, it does not give you liberty to assume that you “know what it’s like” for a family with whom you work. You can never truly know what it’s like for another family. You can only draw on your own knowledge, skills, and experiences to individualize the support you provide. If you haven’t been a parent, then you might have to work a little harder to be sensitive to what daily life is like for the parent. Really, though, we all need to do that, especially when developing intervention strategies and making suggestions that will hopefully “fit” into their everyday life.

We all take our experience and shape them to help us support families. You don’t automatically have a “leg up” if you’ve been a parent. What’s really important is understanding the role you play as a service provider, committing to individualizing your support, and focusing on the unique experiences of each family. How you use your experience and how confident you are in this does not need to depend on whether or not you have children.

What are your thoughts? How have you answered this question before? 

Share your experiences in the comments below!

The post Do You Have to Be a Parent to Be a Good Early Interventionist? appeared first on Early Intervention Strategies for Success.

This really happened to me: Before heading out the door, I received a call from a mother whom I’d be seeing in about an hour. She asked if I could stop by the grocery store to pick up milk and diapers. She had no transportation and lived deep in the woods in a very rural area, miles away from the nearest store. She said she would pay me back when I arrived. I knew that the family was really struggling, had recently been homeless, and was living with relatives in a home that had no electricity most days.

What do you think I did? What would you do?

A Difficult Position

Yes, that’s what I was in… I was a young early interventionist and was very much in “helper mode.” She was a young, struggling mother with two small children who was literally stuck where she was. You can probably guess what happened next.

I got the milk and diapers, even though my gut feeling said that this was crossing a professional boundary. I wrestled with what to do all the way to the store, through the check-out line, and down the one-way dirt road to where the family was staying. When I arrived, the mother thanked me and gave me the money. It was extremely awkward for both of us. I told her it was no problem but was secretly afraid of the precedent I might be setting. We went on with the visit as usual but our relationship had changed, as if now I really knew how difficult things were for the family and was now a part of it.

Hind-Sight is 20-20

All these years later, this situation has stuck with me and honestly, I still don’t know if I made the right decision. It can be extremely challenging when a family asks you to help in a way that you know isn’t the right thing to do but you don’t know what else to do. Sure, I could have said “no” and probably should have. While I knew that going shopping for a parent wasn’t appropriate, my response was emotionally-laden, knowing as I did that this mother was in a difficult, often desperate situation. Going to the store for her was an immediate response to an uncomfortable request. It was also a very minor way to help the family, which I think I wanted too. Yes, then they had milk and diapers for the week, but the bigger issue was: What about next week? How will she get what she needs next time? Maybe the more important question was: How did she get milk and diapers last week?

What Do You Do?

I’ve been in other similar situations. Once I took a check and deposited it for a mother who had a medically fragile child, no car, and needed to pay her rent but had no money in the bank. Typically, a friend of hers would have helped but the friend wasn’t available. Same situation – awkward, immediate and uncomfortable…but I did it anyway. There could have been SO many problems with this scenario…a lost check, an accusation of stolen money, anything. There have been instances where I did decline the family’s request, such as when asked to give the parent and children a ride somewhere or to lend them money. I didn’t always say “yes” but when I found myself in these situations, what often made me waiver was the desperation of the circumstance. That’s when it’s really hard.

These situations can tangle us up inside. Here are a few suggestions for how to handle these immediate “helper” moments:

Pause and think before responding – Take a moment to think or ask your supervisor for advice. Stepping back before agreeing to help can make all the difference because you can help the family consider other options. Had I done that, Liam’s mother and I might have found an alternative that she could access in the future.

Ask about options – Find out who usually helps the family and what they would do if they hadn’t asked you. If you’ve done an ecomap or similar process to explore family resources and supports, revisit it. If you have to, stop the “regular” visit activities and help the parent problem-solve how to manage this immediate issue.

Let go of being the “problem-fixer” –  We love to help and feel compelled to fix problems, especially those of us who are service coordinators. Release the idea of fixing or solving the problem for the parent. Most of the time we really do that for ourselves, because it makes us feel good. Instead, become a partner, helping the parent discover how to solve the problem in a way that builds the parent’s capacity to manage without you.

Talk to the service coordinator – If you’re a service provider, the family’s service coordinator is your best resource when extra support is needed. Take these issues to the expert and let the service coordinator do what he/she does best – link the family to resources that can help.

Have you found yourself in a similar situation? What did you do?

What are your thoughts about what I did?

For more information about supporting Children and Families in Need, visit this topic page on the VA Early Intervention Professional Development Center site.

The post Liam’s Mom Asks You to Stop by the Grocery Store…What Do You Do? appeared first on Early Intervention Strategies for Success.

Being the newbie on the early intervention team is not an easy position for anyone. There is so much to know: so many resources to learn about, so many aspects of typical and atypical development to address, so many possibilities for intervention strategies, so many different families, so many unique family routines…ah, the list could go on and on!

Being the newcomer to any job can be overwhelming, but working in early intervention means entering an especially multi-faceted and often complicated system. It also means beginning an exciting journey that offers you the awesome opportunity to have a positive impact on the lives of very young children and their families. But first, you have to survive those first 6 months on the job!

The very best tip I learned as a newbie – in four different early intervention programs over the years – was that it was okay to say “I don’t know but I’ll find out.” This was my favorite phrase. I was honest about what I knew and did not know, and that honesty helped me gain acceptance and confidence. Always following through on the “I’ll find out” part was key. It helped me learn about the program, local resources, and whatever specific disability or development-related information I needed, and also communicated to families and my coworkers that I was dependable and trustworthy. Being dependable, flexible, honest, and always willing to learn are musts for any early interventionist because the reality is, once you think you know something about this job, it changes the next week! I think many of us in early intervention embrace these changes – I know they kept me on my toes and excited about my evolving role on my team.

Here are some tips for transitioning from being the newbie to a more comfortable role:

Find a mentor – Hopefully your supervisor will link you with a mentor, but if not, ask for one. Maybe your officemate could be your mentor. Identify someone as your go-to-person for questions and support.

Tag along on as many visits as you can – Ask to go meet families and observe visits with service coordinators, therapists, educators, anyone on your team. Learn about all of the different facets of intervention.

Pick the brains around you – Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask about resources, ask why, ask a colleague for help. They were all newbies at one time too.

Practice filling out assessment tools and writing IFSPs – If possible, observe a few assessments and IFSP meetings before you lead or participate in one as a service coordinator or provider. Fill out the assessment tool alongside your mentor then compare notes afterwards. Practice writing an IFSP and have your mentor or a colleague critique it and provide feedback.

Read Part C of IDEA and your state and local procedures – I know, this doesn’t sound like an exciting way to spend your time, but knowing the requirements of your job is so important. It helps you know what is expected of you and why. If your state has a practice manual, as we do in Virginia, then READ it!

Give yourself some time – A service coordinator I used to work with always said she thought it took a good 6 months to feel comfortable in the role. Try not to feel like you have to know everything right away because no one does. Allow yourself some time to learn and grow into your new role. Enjoy the learning process!

What advice do you have for newbies? Share your suggestions in the comments below!

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