Several years ago, I found that my EI caseload included a couple of families with stay-at-home dads. This was a first for me, and I found myself struggling to connect with family caregivers, which hadn’t happened to me since I was new to the field.  Both men were quite nice, but I stumbled when I tried to make conversation to build rapport.  What did I have in common with these men? With moms, I could build rapport around so many shared experiences being moms and women.   One dad was a former football player and the other was a fitness expert.  My idea of working out was to walk from the couch to the bookshelf. 

So, I did what I always do when I’m unsure- I read and researched.  I searched and searched for good information on working with dads.  I found almost nothing except for a few articles on how men and women communicate differently.  I had to muddle through mostly on my own, but we all made it through together.  These experiences helped shaped my later academic research. 

3 Key Strategies for Building Relationships with Dads

Here are some of the key strategies I used to build successful relationships with dads.

Talk side to side rather than face to face.

I can’t remember the source anymore, but the one tip I did garner from searching for books and articles was that men are socialized to talk with each other and others while they are engaged in a task or standing side by side, while woman are socialized to look at each other while talking. This strategy was immediately helpful! When the fitness expert dad offered to make me a fancy coffee, I took that opportunity of having his back to me to ask some deeper questions about what his hopes for his daughter were and what he wanted from EI.  It worked! This became part of our weekly routine.  He would make me a fancy coffee and I would use this time while he wasn’t looking at me to chat and build rapport.  With the other dad, I started positioning my body angled from him instead of looking directly at him.  This also worked immediately.  He opened up a little more when we weren’t looking directly at each other and I realized we could connect over our similar senses of humor.  He hasn’t been a client in years, but our relationship became strong enough that he sends updates on his son’s progress several times a year. 

Explicitly invite dads into therapeutic activities.

I learned to do this based on anecdotes from my own work in EI and the dads in my research verified it’s really important.  Many dads aren’t sure about what EI is supposed to be, especially if they aren’t the primary caregivers of their children. They hang back and watch or wait for their wife or partner to give them a summary of what happened.  Extend a direct invitation by saying, “Hey, we’re going to work on motor skills.  Come on over and help me make an obstacle course with the couch cushions” or “One of our outcomes that your kiddo can communicate her wants and needs.  Let’s take her in the kitchen and work on some strategies to get her communicating for snack time.” This signals that the dad is an important part of what’s happening and that you want him to participate. 

Be really clear about what you are doing and why.  Provide this information in writing, too.

Both the dads I worked with and the dads in my research wanted clear explanations of why their EI providers were giving them and their children specific tasks.  They wanted to know exactly how doing an obstacle course was related to motor development or how giving a choice of two items at snack time helped with communication development. For many of EI providers this information is so much a part of what we do, that we don’t think to explain the connection.  The dads in my research didn’t always feel comfortable asking providers these questions or they asked the questions but didn’t remember the answers after the provider left.  Make sure to provide written explanations that address the what and the why.  Remember, a quick text (if allowed by your program) counts as being in writing (just make sure you send it to mom AND dad).

Have you tried any of these strategies? Have one we haven’t thought of? Or maybe want some advice about a tricky situation with a dad?

Leave a comment and let us know!

For more information about working with dads, you can check out the Dads Matter! Webinar Series (external website) on the VA Early Intervention Professional Development Center (external website) site. Scroll down on the page to find both archived webinars.  

Megan has over a decade of experience working with fathers as an early intervention developmental specialist. Currently, she is an assistant professor at Salem State University, where she teaches future early interventionists and researches dads’ experiences working with early intervention programs. Megan lives in Salem, MA, with her husband, daughter, and two exceptionally naughty cats.

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Technology is great when it works, right? It’s such an embedded part of most of our lives when we are not in the throws of a global pandemic that many of us hardly think about it. Now, though, when early interventionists are chin deep in trying to navigate tele-intervention, figuring out how to connect through technology is essential.

I’ve been picking the brains of amazing EI practitioners and local system managers to find out what they are doing to make the technology work, not only for themselves but also for the families they support. I’ve organized some of the great ideas I’ve heard into the list below.

A big THANK YOU to the practitioners and leaders from Fairfax, Norfolk, Prince William, Danville-Pittsylvania, Southside, Roanoke Valley, Rockbridge Area, Central VA, Cumberland Mountain, Middle Peninsula-Northern Neck and others who shared their experiences with me!

7 Technology Tips

Here are 7 tips for managing technology when preparing for or providing tele-intervention:

1. Prepare yourself first – Before you contact the parent, make sure you have an understanding of what tele-intervention is. Watch the TelePractice in Early Intervention webinar for a fantastic overview and tons of strategies. Watch a video such as A Home Visit with Zander, Providing Early Intervention Services through Distance Technology, or Tele-Intervention – Coaching during Family Chore-Laundry to see how coaching works during tele-intervention. Educate yourself about the technology so you can answer parents’ questions as best you can. Larry Edelman has prepared a great resource document about technology: Planning for the Use of Video Conferencing for Early Intervention Home Visits during the COVID-19 Pandemic (PDF, New Window)– check it out!

2. Touch base the “usual way” – Reach out to the parent using your typical means of communication – phone, email, or text, depending on what’s permitted in your program or preferred by the family. Check in about the family’s welfare first, then ease the conversation into virtual options for connecting.

3. Explore and explain options – Without making any assumptions about family preferences or capability, explore the available options for video visits or phone contacts for service delivery. Explain how each option could work and paint a picture of what it might look like. If the parent is interested (or even unsure), share a link to the video, A Home Visit with Zander, so he/she can watch a visit and hear from a parent about how tele-intervention can work. Be sure to invite the parent to ask questions, share any worries, and think through the possibilities with you.

4. Share your vulnerability – It’s okay to let the parent know that this is new for you too. Assure the parent that you will figure it out together and that, if the parent chooses the high tech option (aka video confererencing) and something goes wonky, you always have a low tech option as Plan B (aka phonecall).

5. Schedule a tech check – Before the actual video visit, schedule a 15 minute tech check. This may be a non-billable activity, but it’s worth it. Send the parent the video conferencing link with detailed instructions about how to connect. Get online together, check video, audio, lighting, etc. and talk about where the device will be positioned so you can see the family the best. Plan together for what the parent wants to do during the actual visit and how the technology can be used so you can observe and collaborate. If you or the parent has tech problems, remember the #1 rule of thumb with troubleshooting: when in doubt, back out and try again. Log out of the video conference and try to log back in. If that doesn’t work, log out and restart the computer. If that still doesn’t work, try another browser. Persistence will pay off, I promise.

6. Problem-solve Wifi issues – Here’s where practitioners are getting creative. I’ve heard of folks parking in the family’s driveway for the video visit so the family can access the practitioner’s hotspot, then holding the visit using technology with the practitioner parked outside. What an idea! Some schools are offering hotspots for older children – can the family use that connection for the visit? If there are limitations on data or bandwidth, schedule the visit at a time when issues should (hopefully) be at a minimum, like in the afternoon after older children are finished with online learning.

7. Let the parent decide – If a parent is unsure about either option, encourage him/her to try a phone or video visit then evaluate how it went. If the parent declines, that’s okay. Parents can put their services on hold at any time; just be sure that they fully understand their options, privacy, and the support you can provide. Be sure to document your discussion and check back in with the family often in case they change their minds.

Once everything is in place and your fingers are firmly crossed, schedule that first visit and go for it. Take a deep breath before you connect with the parent and enter the video call with confidence. Expect some hiccups, be flexible, practice your patience, and exercise your sense of humor. This will get easier and both you and the family will adjust, together.

You’ve got this.

What strategies are you using to prepare families for tele-intervention?

What creative ideas are you using to help families manage technology needs?

Let’s hear your best ideas! Share them in the chat and let’s continue to support one another. J

For more information, videos, webinars, and online training related to tele-intervention, visit these sites:

COVID-19 and EI Tele-Intervention Updates – VA EI Professional Development Center

Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) – ECTA Center

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So far in this series, you’ve learned about the importance of two interventions associated with positive outcomes for children and families. In Part 1, we explored strategies that emphasize caregivers’ awareness and interpretation of their own actions. In Part 2, you learned how to help caregivers identify and use everyday learning opportunities to enhance child development. Now, let’s focus on the third intervention: supporting caregivers’ responsiveness to their children (Dunst & Trivette, 2009; Mahoney, 2009; Swanson, Raab, & Dunst, 2011). For some caregivers, responsiveness comes naturally, especially when there is naturally a good fit between how the child interacts and communicates and how the caregiver parents. When it doesn’t come naturally or the caregiver struggles with responsiveness, it can have a significant impact on the parent-child relationship and the child’s development. Let’s think more about what this looks like and what you can do to support responsive interactions.

Supporting Caregivers’ Responsiveness to their Children

Responsiveness – how a parent or caregiver responds to and meets the needs of a child – has been found to have significant connections to communication and social-emotional development during early childhood (Mahoney, 2009). Responsiveness is one of those concepts that we know when we see it. We know it when we see a mother who reads her child’s cues, even the subtle ones, like when he shifts his gaze to make a choice about which book he wants her to read. We see it when a father hears his baby cry and immediately picks her up, bounces her and pats her back while soothing her with his voice. We see it when a childcare provider uses a warm expression and voice to calm a toddler then invite him into a turn-taking game of blowing bubbles. All of these interactions teach young children that they are important, that adults care, and that their attempts to communicate and engage with others and the environment have meaning.   

Responsiveness is also something that jumps right out at us when it’s not there. Think of the grandmother who ignores her grandson’s vocalizations because he “doesn’t make sense” and who swats him when he acts out from frustration. Think about the mother who misreads her daughter’s arching back and gaze aversion as a personal offense, which negatively impacts their attachment to each other. Or, consider the father whose depression makes it hard for him to respond to his child’s needs consistently or at all. There are many factors that can interfere with a caregiver’s ability to be responsive, and truthfully, we are not always able to mitigate them. We can, however, keep our eyes on responsiveness and encourage it, celebrate it, teach it, and praise it whenever we have the opportunity.

What Does This LOOK Like in Practice?

Here are a few strategies you can use to support responsive interactions between caregivers and children:

Label it when you see it – When you notice a parent being responsive, talk about it. Describe what you saw the parent do and how the child responded. Ask the parent questions to help her identify responsiveness and the impact, such as “What did you do that made Elena smile?” or “What did Elena do after you smiled at her?” Point out the delight the child showed when her parent interacted with her and praise the parent’s efforts.

Model and facilitate contingent interactions – In the context of interacting with the parent and the child together, model contingent interactions that are responsive to the child’s communication and social cues. Talk about what you are doing and why. Coach the parent to notice the child’s communication attempts, movements, or behaviors and help him/her interpret them with meaning. Point out what the child did before and after the interaction and talk about what the parent could do to respond, keep the interaction going, help the child be successful, etc. Just be careful to turn the interaction back over to the parent after modeling so he/she can practice engaging the child. You may be great at using a responsive strategy but that only matters if the parent can learn from you and use the strategy successfully with the child.

Use your voice and facial expressions – Affect is an important part of responsiveness (Mahoney, 2009). Using a warm voice and expressive facial expressions that convey that you are present, engaged, interested, and enjoying the child send an important message. Talk about the importance of affect and provide specific feedback to parents when they are using their affect in responsive ways. This is especially important when interacting with children who struggle with social-communication or who have sensory differences.

Encourage imitation and turn-taking – Use imitation and turn-taking as the vehicles for building responsiveness. When a caregiver struggles with responsiveness, help her understand the back-and-forth nature of interactions and communication. Use simple turn-taking games to entice the parent and child into interactions. Look for turn-taking games that they can enjoy and sustain (for a reasonable amount of time depending on the child’s age and developmental level). Start small, with the parent imitating the child’s actions or sounds, and shape these interactions into turn-taking. Help the parent look for ways he can take a turn whenever the child does something and vice versa. Encourage the parent to expect, wait for, and prompt the child to respond whenever there is an opportunity. Responsiveness is reciprocal but the parent sets the tone.

All three of the interventions you’ve learned about in this series have responsiveness at their core. When caregivers are more aware of how important their own actions and interactions are, understand the learning opportunities they can facilitate during daily interactions, and recognize how to engage and respond to their children to facilitate development, you increase the chances of intervention happening everyday. You also help build stronger parent-child relationships that last well beyond EI. Like I said before, that’s powerful stuff.

Now it’s your turn.

What is your favorite strategy for supporting caregiver responsiveness?

Share your ideas in the comments below!

References:

Dunst, C. J., & Trivette, C. M. (2009). Using research evidence to inform and evaluate early childhood intervention practices. Topics in Early Childhood Special Education, 29(1), 40-52.

Mahoney, G. (2009). Relationship-focused intervention (RFI): Enhancing the role of parents in children’s developmental intervention. International Journal of Early Childhood Special Education, 1(1), 79-94.

Swanson, J., Raab, M., & Dunst, C. J. (2011). Strengthening family capacity to provide young children everyday natural learning opportunities. Journal of Early Childhood Research, 9(1), 66-80.

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In Part 1 of this series, you learned about the first intervention, which focuses on the caregiver’s awareness and interpretation of his or her own actions. This first intervention emphasizes (to us and the caregiver) the power the caregiver has to positively impact the child’s development through interaction and action. In Part 2, we’re going to dive a little deeper and think about the context of those actions and interactions – where and when learning occurs.

Helping Caregivers Identify & Use Everyday Learning Opportunities

Our second intervention emphasizes the importance of helping caregivers identify and use everyday learning opportunities to enhance child development (Dunst & Trivette, 2009; Mahoney, 2009; Swanson, Raab, & Dunst, 2011). This intervention reminds us that the context for most of the learning a child will do is within his or her interactions with the people and the environment that are most familiar and most constant. We can collaborate with caregivers by respecting what is already happening in the natural environment and helping them notice and take advantage of interactions and opportunities that help the child learn or practice using a skill. When learning is situated in a naturally occurring, familiar context, there are more opportunities for the child and caregiver to practice what they are learning together every day beyond the EI visit. The cognitive load is also decreased since the context is familiar, hopefully making it easier to use a new intervention strategy (for the caregiver) and learn a new skill (for the child). Practice during infant and toddler development is essential so the more opportunities we can help the caregiver provide, the better!

What Does This LOOK LIKE in Practice?

Here are a few excellent strategies you can use to implement this intervention. These strategies were suggested by EI service providers in conference sessions on this topic:

Use the unique interests of the child and the caregiver as your guide. Ask caregivers what they enjoy doing with the child. Ask about the typical flow of the day. Ask about what makes the child laugh (or feel frustrated, excited, engaged, motivated, etc.). Find out what they would like to be able to do together and what that would look like if it worked well. Build on what you find out by observing those activities and routines, talking about the learning opportunities you see, and helping the caregiver learn to seize them.

Individualize IFSP outcomes and goals by including specific learning opportunities that already exist for the family. Ground the outcomes in the context of everyday activities. If the outcome describes how the child will learn to move about independently, place the measurement of the outcome in a typical activity. For example, let’s say that the child will move about her home independently by crawling or walking 10 feet from the kitchen to the family room after each meal. When she can do this consistently across time, we’ll know she’s met the outcome. Plus, the family can see the progress because they can practice the movement strategies in a frequently occurring context that’s natural for them. Including context in outcomes helps families identify with their important role in intervention from the beginning. Individualizing outcomes is a great place to start with building awareness (our first intervention) too.

Observe and join different activities and routines to help the caregiver look for the learning opportunities. There is nothing as effective as “seeing it.” Whenever you can, sit back and observe parent-child interactions and specific routines that are meaningful, problematic, or just typical for the family. Point out learning opportunities that you see. Reflect with caregivers to help them create their own ideas. Encourage them to try out the strategies that come from these conversations while you observe again, provide support, problem-solve, and share feedback.

After the caregiver practices using a strategy, talk about how to extend the use of the strategy in other routines to create more learning opportunities. You can facilitate this thinking process by asking, “When do you think you can use this strategy outside of the visit today? What other times of the day might work for using the strategy?” If needed, ask about other routines you know about and help the caregiver think about how the strategy could be embedded. Have the conversation and land on a joint plan. By doing this, you may be expanding the caregiver’s thinking, which again, overlaps with our first intervention. See, this is powerful stuff.

Now it’s your turn:

What’s your favorite way of helping caregivers identify and use natural learning opportunities? What did this look like on your last visit?

Share your ideas and examples in the comments below! And don’t miss Part 3, the final post in this series!

References:

Dunst, C. J., & Trivette, C. M. (2009). Using research evidence to inform and evaluate early childhood intervention practices. Topics in Early Childhood Special Education, 29(1), 40-52.

Mahoney, G. (2009). Relationship-focused intervention (RFI): Enhancing the role of parents in children’s developmental intervention. International Journal of Early Childhood Special Education, 1(1), 79-94.

Swanson, J., Raab, M., & Dunst, C. J. (2011). Strengthening family capacity to provide young children everyday natural learning opportunities. Journal of Early Childhood Research, 9(1), 66-80.

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